Goldsucka
by element115
Summary: The A-Team pities a crooked jewelery chain.


B.A. could tell something was amiss when he passed by the table at the Youth Center to see the usually bustling kids were sour-faced, sitting with their arms folded dejectedly.

"What you kids doin sittin' around, starin' at the walls?" B.A. said as he looked as his watch. "It's lunchtime!"

"We lost all our lunch money," one of the kids said.

"Was it that bully again?" B.A. said angrily. "I'm-a turn that sucka upside down and shake the money out his pockets!"

"No, it wasn't a bully," one of the other kids said. "It was a bookie. We lost our money on a game over the weekend."

"You kids know better than to get mixed up them shady bookies! Where is that fool?"

The kids pointed to the window. B.A. grunted as he saw a teenage boy was collecting money from some younger kids.

"What you doin', sucka?" B.A. said a few moments later to the teenager out on the sidewalk, who had his back to B.A.

"Beat it," the teenager said, as he turned around to face B.A. "This is my-"

B.A. grabbed him by the collar. "The hospital's gonna be your turf if you don't tell me what you doin' out in front of this Youth Center, robbin' kids of their milk money!"

"Because I need the money!"

"Hey wait a minute," B.A. said, looking him and down. "I know you! You're Nick, you work at Frank's Jewelry! You're the one that cleans my rings and chains!"

"Not anymore. I got fired," Nick said bitterly.

"_Fired _? You been takin' the pot?"

"No, Frank said he had to let me go because he couldn't afford to hire any extra help."

"That's crazy talk! That's the best jewelry store in town! I don't trust nobody else with my gold! Somethin' ain't right. I better check this out."

* * *

A short while later, the black van pulled into the alley behind the jewelry store and stopped at the back door. B.A., Hannibal, Face, Murdock and Nick stepped out.

B.A. knocked on the door, but there was no answer.

"Hey Frank! It's B.A.! Open up, fool!"

"He's always here this time of day," Nick said.

"Stand back," B.A. said. "I'm-a bust it down."

B.A. charged toward the door, but just before he made impact, the door open from the inside. B.A. tried to stop, but slipped on a banana peel and fell forward onto a utility table. He slid across the utility table, and his head crashed through the opposite wall from which he entered.

In the room on the other side of the wall, several cigar-smoking men were playing poker. The stopped and stared at B.A. awkwardly.

"Get me outta here, fools!" B.A. shouted to Hannibal, Face and Murdock.

The pulled B.A. back in through the hole. B.A. then briefly put his head back through the hole. "Don't smoke!" he said. "And stay in school!" he then pulled his head back out of the hole.

"Don't mind us!" Hannibal said, peering through the hole, then he slide something in front of the hole to cover it up.

"B.A.," Murdock said as he helped B.A. to his feet, "don't you know you should use a stud finder before you punch a hole through a wall?"

"Shut up, fool! You gonna need a tooth finder in a minute!"

"What's going on here?" Frank said, bewildered.

"We were about to ask you the same thing," Hannibal said. "Why is everything in boxes? It looks like you're going out of business ..."

"I'm afraid I am," Frank said.

"That's crazy talk!" B.A. said. "This is the busiest jewelry store in town!"

"It was," Frank said, "until a major jewelry store chain stole my idea for a new gold cleaning method. I call it Panauric Oxidification."

"_You _invented POI?" B.A. said. "I read about that in Gold and Silver Monthly! They say it's gonna revolutionize the industry!"

"It will," Frank said. "And as soon as Jarat ® Jewelers launches it, I'll be out of business. I'm already losing customers who are making advance orders in their stores."

"Jarat ®?" Murdock said. "The Gallery of Jewelry?"

"It's gonna be the Gallery of Pain when I get through with it," B.A. said.

"That isn't the worst part," Frank said. "I sent a letter to Jarat ® when I saw the magazine article. A few days later, a man showed up at my store, and sold me this ..."

He place upon the counter a box full of small metal parts.

"It looks like a bunch of old pinball machine parts," Murdock said.

"It is," Frank said. "But the man who sold it to me told me it was a time machine."

"A _time machine_? Man, that's just ridiculous!" B.A. said as he lifted the banana peel off the floor.

"He was very convincing," Frank said. "So convincing that I mortgaged my store just to pay for it. I thought that I could go back in time and obtain a patent. When I found out the time machine didn't work, I contacted the man who sold it to me, and he said I should have read the fine print ..."

Frank pointed to a portion of writing at the end of a sales invoice for the machine. It read, "Warning: May not be compatible with Earth's present state of technology."

"I'm impressed," Face said.

Hannibal nodded. "These guys are expert swindlers. And they have deep pockets. Frankly, Frank, I think a letter writing campaign will you get you about as far as this time machine."

"What can I do?" Frank pleaded. "I have no way to prove the idea was mine."

"Maybe," Hannibal said. "But you know it, and I know it, and some leeches on the 100th floor know it. What you need is someone who can gently persuade them to talk."

"I'd love to hire you, but I've sunk every last dime into this bogus machine!"

"I have a feeling that whoever sold you this machine works for Jarat ®. It was a quick and dirty way to stamp out a problem. That means they've stashed your money somewhere. It also means your patent must be pretty lucrative for them to go to the trouble. What do you think, Face?"

"It's a round estimate," Face said, writing an amount on a sheet of paper and handing it to Frank, "but if we can secure your patent, it'll be a relatively nominal fee."

"If you can pull it off," Frank said, "I suppose I have nothing to lose."

"Congratulations, Frank," Hannibal said, "You've just hired the A-Team."

* * *

"I don't get it," B.A. said, as he brought the black van rolled to a stop in front of the Jarat ® store. "I thought we was supposed to be puttin' these fools outta business? You want me to go in and buy jewelry?"

"That's just a way to get our foot in the door," Hannibal said, "So we can fish for information. Find out what these guys know about Frank's invention."

Inside the store, a sharply dressed but frustrated salesman leaned against the counter.

"I haven't made a sale all day," he said to his co-worker. "Everyone wants to look, but nobody wants to buy. I just wish a serious buyer would-" His jaw dropped as he saw B.A. enter the store, wearing his usual array of gold. To the salesman, he appeared to walk slowly in soft focus, love music swelling in the background.

B.A. walked up to the counter and began to eye some of the jewelry.

"Can I help you find something?" the salesman said to B.A.

"What kind of stupid question is that, fool?" B.A. growled back. "I'm lookin' for gold!"

Over the next few minutes, the salesman eagerly showed B.A. some of the finer gold pieces.

"Okay," B.A. finally said, "I'll take one of those ... and one of those ... and one of those ... and that one too."

"Excellent choices, sir," the salesman exclaimed as he started to write a bill of sale.

"And I want 'em PO'd," B.A. asked.

"I'm sorry sir," the salesman said nervously, "but that service won't be available until next month. But I can add you to the list for-"

"Forget it, fool!" B.A. said, turning around to leave. "I'll go to Frank's Jewelry. I heard he's doing PO's already, same day service."

* * *

"We've got a problem," said Roger, the Vice President to the founder and CEO James Jarat ®. James sat across from Roger in the back of the limo, flanked by two bodyguards. "A salesman in the downtown store heard from a customer that Frank's Jewelry is offering POI already."

"Apparently, he's just not getting the memo," James said. "Obviously the time machine ploy wasn't enough to discourage his efforts. I think it's time you sent some of your contract employees to persuade Frank once and for all this his efforts are in vain."

"Done. Say boss, you know, rich people don't always have to ride in a limousine. Some smaller cars can be very luxurious."

James' glance drifted away from Roger toward one of his bodyguards.

A few moments later, Roger was thrown from the moving limo as it rounded a corner. Roger's yell grew faint as he rolled down the hill.

* * *

A black SUV screeched to a halt in front of Frank's Jewelry later that night. Four fat armed men in expensive jogging suits jumped out of the SUV and ran to the door.

Upon hearing a knock at the front door, Frank opened the door to the length of the chain door guard. "I'm sorry, we're closed," Frank said.

"You're right," said the Head Thug, as he kicked open the door. Frank stepped backward nervously. The thugs followed him inside. "You're closed for good, old man!"

"You hard o' hearin', sucka?" said a gruff voice behind the Thug. The Thug turned around to see a muscular, angry mohawked man. "The man said we closed!"

The Thug tried to raise a gun to B.A. B.A. grabbed his gun with both arms, then head-butted the man to the ground.

Hannibal, Face and Murdock sprung from behind glass counters on the other three walls to take the other three thugs by surprise.

The thug in front of Hannibal tried to raise his gun to Hannibal's face, but Hannibal blocked it with his left hand, then punched the thug in the stomach with his right hand. When the thug hunched over, Hannibal grabbed his back with both hands, and propelled his head through a glass case. The thug proved to be tougher than Hannibal thought, however, and rammed his rifle backward into Hannibal's stomach. The the thug quickly got to his feet, and knocked Hannibal to the ground with the butt of his rifle.

The thug in front of Murdock aimed his rifle also, but Murdock grabbed the rifle with both hands, put his foot onto the thug's stomach, then fell backward to the ground, pulling the thug forward into the air over Murdock's leg, flipping him onto the floor behind Murdock.

The move backfired, however. No sooner had Murdock gotten to his feet, then the thug which had knocked Hannibal to the ground tried aimed at Murdock. Murdock grabbed the barrel with both hands, trying to wrestle it away, but the thug deftly moved the barrel around Murdock's head, and attempted to choke him with it.

Morever, as soon as the thug who first attacked Murdock hit the floor, he ran to help the thug who was trying to subdue Face. Face had managed to knock the first thug's gun out of his hand by slamming his hand against a wall, but Face still hadn't been able to subdue the thug. With the help of the other, it was two on one. The second thug grabbed Face and held his arms back, while the second thug started repeatedly punching Face in the stomach.

"B.A.!" Face shouted helplessly.

B.A. walked toward Face, grabbed a thug in each arm, and threw them through the storefront window out onto the sidewalk.

Meanwhile, Murdock became dizzy from the choke hold and fell to the ground. The thug was aiming his rifle at Murdock when Hannibal blew it out of his hand with a pistol.

"On your feet," Hannibal said. "Hands behind your heads. We want to know about POI. Who's the brains behind the operation?"

"I don't know what you're talkin' about," the Head Thug said.

"Save it Mongo," Hannibal said. "You didn't come here for the free balloons. Now, either you start talking, or I start shooting."

"You don't have the guts."

Hannibal lit a cigar, then aimed his gun at the Thug's foot and fired.

The Thug let out a high pitched scream as he grabbed his bleeding foot with his hand, jumped up and down on his other foot.

"Is it coming back to you now?"

"Roger," The Thug said.

"Roger who?"

"Fisher."

"Roger Fisher?" Face said. "Executive VP in charge of operations. Not an easy man to see."

"Where is he?"

"The Drakemont Hotel. Downtown."

"I know where that is," Murdock said. "That's the one with the fountain in front of it, with the scuplture of a tangential quadrilateral trapezoidal-"

"Shut up, fool!" B.A. said.

"You're wasting your time," the Head Thug said to Hannibal. "He's surrounded by security. You'll never get through to him."

"Why don't you let us worry about that, Hopalong. You go tell the Executive Vice Slug that we're taking that patent ... the easy way, or the hard way."

* * *

Hannibal stood on the edge of the pier, looking through his binoculars at a yacht which was pulling away from a dock some distance away.

"It's been the same routine every day," Hannibal said to B.A. and Face. "Fisher comes out to the port every morning, leaves on his yacht, and comes back a few hours later."

"What's he doin' out there?" B.A. asked.

"Something he doesn't want anyone to see," Face said.

"I've got a plan to find out what it is," Hannibal said. "I'm just waiting on Murdock." He looked at his watch. "He should be here any minute."

"He better be," B.A. said. "If anything happens to my van, you suckas ain't gonna be makin' no plans."

The van pulled up a moment later, towing a trailer with a squarish object covered by a tarp. Murdock jumped out of the van and ran back to the trailer.

"It's all done," Murdock said, pulling the tarp off. Underneath was a refrigerator with a rudder and propeller built into the back.

"What is it?" Face asked.

"It's a submersible," Murdock said.

"A submersible?" B.A. said. "Man, that ain't nothin' but an old refrigerator!"

"I used a refrigerator because it's airtight," Murdock said. "Don't worry B.A., you'll be completely safe!"

"_What?!!_" B.A. shouted. "I ain't gettin' in no crazy homemade sub! Especially not one Murdock built!"

"It's got to be you B.A.," Murdock said, opening the door of the refrigerator, to reveal bicycle pedals inside. "You're the only one strong enough to pedal for that long."

"Of course," Hannibal said, "If you're not tough enough for the job ..."

"Hey man, they ain't made a refrigerator sub that I can't pedal! Put that sucka in the water, I'll show you who's tough!"

Over the next few minutes, B.A. was secured into the refrigerator and lowered into the water.

A red light illuminated the inside of the sub.

"Hey B.A.," said Murdock's voice over a radio speaker, "Do the lights stay on when you close the door?"

"Shut up, fool! I can see in here, but I can't see nothin' outside! How am I supposed to know where I'm goin'?"

Outside, Murdock secured a fake shark fin to the top of the refrigerator.

As he did so, B.A. saw a crude periscope protrude through the roof of the fridge.

"You can see through this periscope," Murdock said. "It's also a listening device. When you get close enough to the yacht, you should be able to hear everything they say."

After a final check, the tiny submarine pedaled away toward it's target.

Hannibal, Face and Murdock watched a transmitted image of the periscope's view on a video monitor.

The submarine at last came within viewing distance of the yacht.

"Murdock, zoom in on that porthole," Hannibal said.

When the image came into sufficient focus that they could see who was on the other side of the window, they were stunned.

"I don't believe it!" Hannibal said. "Osama Bin Laden! Turn up the volume."

"Death to the infidels!" Osama shouted, shaking his fist angrily.

"Annnnnnd, cut," said another voice nearby, who turned out to be a camera man. Two stage hands removed a fake stone background from behind him.

"When you send it to Al-Jazeera," Osama said to the camera man, "Make sure to backdate the time stamp a couple of years." He then turned to Fisher grinning evilly. "I like to fuck with them! Now. Down to business. Do you have the money?"

Fisher opened a briefcase full of large bills. "It's all there. Do you have the device?"

"Here it is," Osama said, putting a heavy rectangular device with a timer attached. "And remember, when the device is detonated, we take credit for the attack!"

"Done," Fisher said. "Once we set off this dirty bomb inside Fort Knox, the gold will become radioactive, rendering it worthless ... and the value of Jarat ®'s gold will skyrocket! That mohawked psycho will never be able to afford another gold chain!"

"_What?_" B.A. shouted, as he sprang angrily to his feet. His head crashed through the top of the submarine. The fake shark fin rested on top of B.A.'s head.

"Hey, that's not a shark!" Fisher shouted. He put his machine gun through the porthole and fired on B.A. The shark fin was blown off B.A.'s head as he ducked back down into the submarine.

"His position's been compromised," Hannibal said to Murdock. "We've got no choice ... nuke the fridge."

Murdock took out a remote control and pressed a button. A rocket blast erupted underneath the fridge, propelling it skyward.

"Steer towards the shore," Hannibal said. "Once he hits water, we'll dive in after him."

Unbeknownsts to Murdock, in the path of the flying submarine was a sailing skiff. The old man on board had just caught an enormous marlin. "I've caught something at last!" the old man said. "I haven't eaten in days!"

As the flying submarine passed by the boat, however, it inadvertently collided with the mast, toppling onto the helpless old man, pinning him to the bottom of the boat, causing him to lose the fish. "Bastard!" he shouted at the infernal airborne icebox.

"Uh oh," Murdock said. "That collision knocked off the stablizer."

The refrigerator started to spin wildly. Inside, B.A. face was contortedly flattened against the wall by centrifugal force, as he shouted, "_Murdooooooock!" _

The fridge splashed down into the water halfway between the yacht and the shore.

"After him!" Fisher shouted to the five man crew of the Aquamoron.

Inside the refrigerator, water started to pour in from the roof. "_Murdooooooock!"_

"We've got to get to a boat," Hannibal said.

A few moments later, Face and Murdock stepped onto a boat, carrying cameras and snapping photographs.

"Hey, what do you think you're doing?" said a fisherman as he emerged from a cabin.

"We're just trying to get a better shot of the Loch Ness Monster," Face said.

"A shot of _what_?"

Face pointed to the water. The fisherman looked to see the face of a sea monster slowly emerge from the water.

Shocked, the fisherman fainted and fell forward into Face and Murdock's arms.

A square panel opened in the front of Hannibal's Aquamaniac costume. "Was I too slow on the delivery?"

"It was perfect," Face said. "Cut and print!"

Hannibal helped them pull the fisherman onto the dock as he stepped onto the boat.

The Aquamoron and the Aquamaniac each raced toward B.A.'s sinking refrigerator.

Fisher and his men raised their guns to fire on B.A.

Murdock meanwhile stood on the bow of the ship, arms extended, and shouted, "I'm King of the World!"

"Get down, Murdock!" said Face, who was steering the boat. "I can't see!"

Face blindly steered the Aquamaniac into the Aquamoron's hull, cracking a hole in it. The impact propelled Murdock through the air. He landed on Fisher, tackling him to the ground.

Fisher pushed Murdock away and scrambled to his feet.

Hannibal jumped onto the boat to help Murdock, and was quickly attacked by Fisher's Thug. The Henchman took a swing at Hannibal. Hannibal dodged the punch, kneed the Henchman in the stomach, then threw the Henchman into a lifeboat.

Murdock jumped back to his feet as Fisher aimed the rifle. Murdock pushed the barrel away from himself, but the rifle went off. The stray bullets knocked loose a life preserver that hung overhead. The life preserver fell around Fisher, flattening his arms against his side. Without his arms, he wavered unsteadily on the swaying ship, and Murdock siezed the opportunity to kick him overboard.

Fisher's Thug grabbed an oar from inside the lifeboat, and tried to swing at Hannibal's head. Hannibal dodged the swing, then reached into the lifeboat and grabbed the other oar. Hannibal took a swing at the Thug, and the Thug dodged it just as Hannibal did. The Thug then took a low swing at Hannibal's legs. Hannibal jumped, dodging the swing. The low swing left the Thug's upper body exposed giving Hannibal the upper hand as he took another swing at the Thug. The oar hit home and the Thug soared helplessly overboard.

"B.A.!" Hannibal said to Murdock.

"We're comin' for you, big guy!" Murdock said, as he grabbed a harpoon off the ground.

Murdock fired the harpoon at the refrigerator. The harpoon sliced through the fridge, missing B.A.'s head by inches. "_Murdooooooock!"_

As Murdock and Hannibal pulled the harpoon back toward the deck in order to drag up the refrigerator, Face saw another Thug on top of the cabin, carefully aiming at rifle and Murdock and Hannibal. Face jumped onto the deck and grabbed a bottle of champagne out of an ice bucket, shook it, and popped the cork in The Thug's direction. The cork zoomed at The Thug's head, hitting him squarely in the eye. The Thug dropped his weapon as he screamed in pain, clasping his face, then blindly stumbled overboard.

One of Bin Laden's Thugs then emerged from the deck on the other side of the cabin. He wildly ran at Face, wielding a sword. Face let out a high-pitched scream, then ran toward a mast and started to climb up it. The Thug started to strike at the base of the mast with the sword, attempting to cut it down like a tree.

Murdock and Hannibal turned around to see two more of Bin Laden's Thugs emerge from the opposite side of the cabin. They wielded swords also, and started to slash at them. Hannibal and Murdock dodged the swords helplessly as The Thugs forced them closer to the edge of the deck.

Suddenly B.A. crashed through the front of the refrigerator, leaving behind a hole in his shape in the refrigerator door, including a spike at the top where his mohawk had crashed through.

"Timber!" Face shouted, as the mast fell toward B.A.

B.A. caught the mast and broke it in half. "Make 'em by hand, break 'em by hand!" he grunted.

The Thug that cut down the mast then turned on B.A., running at him wildly with the sword.

"Don't run with scissors, fool!" B.A. shouted as he brought one half of the mast down on The Thug's head, knocking him out.

The other half of the mast lay on the ground. B.A. kicked it, making it roll toward the other two Thugs, who had their backs to B.A. The mast rolled toward them and hit, making them fall forward. Murdock and Hannibal jumped out of their way as they fell forward, then grabbed them by the back and threw them overboard.

"I knew we could count on you!" Murdock said.

"I only saved you so I kill you myself, fool!" B.A. said as he stepped toward Murdock.

"Sorry to disappoint you," Bin Laden said from behind as he stepped out of the cabin, aiming a machine gun at them too.

"Me too," said another Bin Laden, as if an identical twin, emerging from the deck on opposite side of the ship, to the right of the cabin.

"Me three," said yet another Bin Laden, from deck along the left of the cabin.

"What's goin' on, sucka?" B.A. said irritatedly.

"Which is the real one?" Murdock asked.

"Guess we'll have to kill them all," Hannibal said.

"Try it and you're shark bait," Fisher said, sopping wet, as he emerged from the side of the cabin, flanked by yet two more Bin Ladens who had pulled Fisher out of the water. One of the Bin Laden's carried a thick metal box, while the other carried a Geiger counter.

"This box has a low intensity version of the weapon," Fisher said to the two Bin Ladens. "Set it on the Mohawked one, then measure his gold. Let's see if this thing really works."

The Bin Laden carrying the box approached B.A., but before he could act further, B.A. snatched the box away with one hand and pushed him to the ground with the other.

"You ain't puttin' this gizmo on my gold!" B.A. said. "You suckas can fish for it!"

B.A. opened the box, but to his surprise, a boxing glove on a spring burst forth and knocked B.A. out with one punch. He dropped to the ground, unconscious.

"I told you it would work," Fisher said to the Bin Ladens. "Get to the plane. This boat's sinking fast.

* * *

Some time later, B.A., Hannibal, Face and Murdock sat in blindfolded in the cabin of a plane.

"Don't worry guys," Hannibal said quietly over the rumble of the twin engines. "As long as this crate lands somewhere near Fort Knox, these goons won't know what him 'em."

**

* * *

**

**Afghanistan**

The plane touched down on a dusty makeshift runway.

Within a few moments, Hannibal, B.A., Face and Murdock, still blindfolded, were escorted at gunpoint off the plane.

Murdock heard a camel bellow nearby. "Is that a horse?" he said. "Maybe we're at the Kentucky derby!"

"Shut up fool, we ain't in Kentucky!" B.A. grunted. "We in Afghanistan! Those fools knocked me out and put me on a plane!"

"Great," Face sighed. "Welcome back to the Hanoi Hilton."

"Hey man, if those suckas think they gettin' another P.O.W., they better think again. Only thing they gettin' is P.A.I.N.! I'm-a make 'em pay for sucker-punchin' me, like that fool Rocky!"

"Don't worry B.A.," Hannibal said. "If they're looking for a dirty fight, they came to the right place."

* * *

In a cave deep below where the A-Team stood, Fisher sat a desk, looking over a blueprint of Fort Knox.

Two of Bin Laden's clones entered the room and walked toward Fisher.

"Hey, you can't come in here!" Fisher said. "This area's off limits!"

One of the clones grabbed Fisher. Fisher tried to break away, but the clone had inhuman strength.

"Morphology, longevity, incept dates ..." the clone demanded coldly.

"I don't know that stuff! I just work here! You need to talk to Bin Laden himself! He designed your brain!"

"Then we have no further use for you," the clone said. He punched a hole through Fisher's chest and pulled it out. Fisher remained alive just long enough to watch it stop beating.

* * *

The blindfolds were removed as the A-Team were escorted into a chamber of the cave. Skeletons were shackled to the walls with press passes still hanging around their necks.

"Nice," Hannibal said. "The Presidential Suite!"

"Don't get too comfortable," The Thug said. "We're only keeping you here long enough to set up the cameras. The whole world will watch your execution! So look pretty! Muhahahaha!"

He closed a thick metal door behind him.

"Well Hannibal, look on the bright side," Face said. "Here's your big break in television."

"You gonna have a big break in your jaw if you don't shut up, fool!" B.A. said.

* * *

Another part of the underground complex had been converted into a disco. Bin Laden and his entourage danced to "Ladies Night" by Kool and the Kang.

The three clones who had killed Fisher walked to the dance floor toward Bin Laden.

"Get out of here, you bucket of bolts!" Bin Laden said. "This area is restricted!"

"I'll take no more orders from you!" The clone said as he walked toward Bin Laden, but he suddenly stopped, as if experiencing paralysis.

"Having technical difficulties?" Bin Laden laughed. "It's a little fail-safe mechanism I like to call 'Sharia 5'! Any attempt to attack a senior Al-Qaeda operative will result in immediate shut-down!"

The clone fell to the ground, mumbling in a dull robotic monotone, sounding like a Speak & Spell. "Dai-sy, dai-sy-" Bin Laden's foot crushed its head with his foot, leaving only a sparking pile of circuits.

Bin Laden turned to the rest of the crowd, pulled out an uzi, aimed it at the ceiling and fired. "Anybody else got a problem?" he shouted. "You can step into Bin Laden's office, right here, right now! ..." There was a moment of dead silence. "... Good. Then let's get this party started!" The disco music started up again.

* * *

"I've got a plan to get us out of here," Hannibal said to the others, "but we've got to work fast. Better cut to a montage ..."

As the music started, they walked to one of the skeletons. B.A. ripped the shackles out of the wall. Hannibal took a coat from the skeleton and scoured the pockets for lighters, matches, anything which could be used as a propellant. He then handed the coat to Murdock, who carried it to a back wall where Face was gathering a pile of loose rocks. Murdock wrapped the pile of rocks in the coat, then dragged it back toward the entrance.

Within a few minutes, Hannibal had fashioned a bomb out of a ball that had been torn loose from a chain.

"Trust me," Hannibal said as he lifted the fuse to the tip of his cigar. "I know what I'm doing ..."

* * *

Muzak played in the background as Bin Laden, one of the clones, and two of Bin Laden's henchmen sat around a breakfast nook, munching cereal as they read the newspaper.

"Hey chief," one of the henchmen said to Bin Laden, "you done with the Sports section?"

"Burn in Hell!" Bin Laden shot back angrily.

"Say it, don't spray it, bro!" the henchman retorted, then turned to the other henchman and whispered, "Who pissed in his Commander Crispies?"

Bin Laden glared at them while they snickered just before they heard the explosion.

"Let's go!" Bin Laden said as the four got up, each drawing an enormously oversized gun from under the table.

* * *

"Great Scott!" Bin Laden said as he entered the dungeon to see a large hole in the opposite wall. "They've escaped from my maximum security stockade! After them!"

As Bin Laden tried to step into the hole in the opposite wall, however, he bumped his head, and realized there was no hole, just black paint to give the appearance of one.

Hannibal and the others emerged from their hiding places under small piles of rock near the entrance.

Hannibal quickly knocked over a small pile of rocks which had been keeping a larger rock in place. The leverage from the larger rock falling caused a net of chains to rise out of the ground where they had been buried under the dirt underneath Bin Laden and his men. The metal net wrapped around them and pulled them toward the ceiling.

"You will pay for this booby trap!" Bin Laden shouted angrily, shaking his fist.

"The check's in the mail!" Hannibal mused as they fled from the dungeon.

"Number 27, get us out of here!" Bin Laden shouted to the clone.

"I am Number 26," the clone replied in a dull monotone.

"Bah! You all look the same to me!"

The clone's face opened like a door, revealing the mechanism underneath. A tiny buzzsaw emerged and started to cut through the chain.

"That's really not very attractive," one of the henchmen said.

* * *

The Team arrived at a door which led out to the air strip only to find that the plane carrying the device was already taking off.

"We're too late," Hannibal said. "It's just as well ... I could go for a bottle of cold milk out of that vending machine."

"Vending machine?" B.A. said, looking around. "I don't see no-"

Face had inserted a needle containing sedative into the back of B.A.'s neck. Face and Murdock grabbed B.A. as he slumped forward unconscious.

"Get out to that airstrip," Hannibal said. "We've got to find another plane, fast."

A few minutes later, a pilot of another plane was checking the controls, readying it for take-off. As the pilot turned to look out the window, Murdock quickly snuck up from behind and adjusted the clock, then retreated back into his hiding place just as quickly. When the pilot looked back at the controls, he saw the clock and realized it was time for his prayer.

He got up and walked toward the back of the plane, and saw that a prayer rug had already been laid out. As he kneeled down and began his prayers, Murdock crept up to the cockpit and pulled a lever to open the bomb bay doors, which were right underneath the prayer rug. The pilot fell through the doors and hit the runway.

Murdock started the plane moving. The pilot tried to keep up but wasn't able. Murdock slowed the plane down just enough for Hannibal and Face to clamor into the plane, B.A. in tow.

* * *

Clone Number 84 sat in the cockpit piloting the plane which carried the radioactive bomb. Number 79 entered, carrying a navigation device.

"What's going on here?" Number 79 said. "We're 100 miles off course!"

"My heading has been confirmed," Number 84 said.

"Confirmed by who?"

"By Jerry, at Onstar."

"He has failed us for the last time," 79 said. "Silence him."

Jerry was sitting at his desk sipping a fountain drink and reading a magazine, when suddenly a bolt of electricity shot out of the computer toward him.

Two of his co-workers watched stunned as Jerry was slowly electrocuted to death. At length, one of the co-workers turned to the other. "That is the coolest thing I have ever seen."

* * *

Bin Laden and his thug rushed out to the airfield to see that the A-Team had escaped in the second plane.

"Blast it!" Bin Laden said. "Ready the other plane!"

"The other plane?"

"Is there an echo in here?"

"Boss, we can't cross the ocean in that!" the thug said, pointing at the other plane, an antiquated wooden bi-plane with cockpits exposed to the open air. The body and wings were cracked in places and crudely patched with duct tape.

Bin Laden grabbed him by the collar. "They task me ... They heap me ... I see in them outrageous strength, with an inscrutable malice sinewing it ... That inscrutable Mohawk is chiefly what I hate ..."

"Uh ... what?"

"Crank the engine, you fool!"

* * *

"I hope you gave him enough sedative this time," Hannibal said.

"GIve me some credit!" Face said. "Sure, I made a mistake last time, but how stupid do you think I-"

"Ahh!" B.A. shouted. "You guys put me on a plane! You _dead_, you hear me? _Dead_!"

"Now B.A., just relax," Face said. "Look ..." Face wheeled a refreshment card down the aisle toward B.A. "Let me get you something ... How about a Sprite? Complimentary ..." He handed B.A. a half-size styrofoam cup of soda.

B.A. growled as he knocked the cup out of Face's hand and lunged at his throat.

Suddenly the plane hit a spot of turbulence. B.A. stumbled onto the cart. More turbulence sent the cart rolling with B.A. on it down the aisle toward the cockpit.

B.A. crashed through the cockpit door.

"B.A, are you crazy?" Murdock said. "You are in direct violation of FAA-"

"Turn this plane around!" B.A. said, grabbing the control yoke.

"Let go of that!" Murdock said frantically as he tried to wrestle the yoke away from B.A.. "You're going to send us off course!"

In fighting over control, they ripped the yoke out of the console.

"Now look what you've done!" Murdock said in wide-eyed shock. "We're going to die in the ocean!"

"You gonna die up here if you don't turn this plane around, fool!"

B.A. pressed random buttons and switches, ranting "Which one o' these turns the plane around?"

"What are you doing!" Murdock said as he saw that B.A. had inadvertently turned off the engines. "Are you crazy?"

"You the one that's crazy, fool, tryin' to put me on this aeroplane!"

Murdock tried to grab B.A.'s arm to stop him from pressing more buttons. As B.A. pushed Murdock's arm out of the way, B.A. inadvertently knocked over a cup of soda off the refreshment cart. The drink spilled onto the console, causing sparks and smoke to erupt.

"The plane's going down!" Murdock shouted.

"You got that right, sucka!"

"No, I mean _right now!_"

Face sighed as he emptied a mini vodka into a glass. "I used to really enjoy flying ..."

* * *

Hundreds of miles behind them, the wooden jalopy labored to stay airborne despite its ice-covered wings and its ice-covered pilots. Bin Laden's beard had been blown backward on either side and frozen in that position, icicles hanging from it.

"It was that accursed Mohawk which razeed me," Bin Laden said, staring ahead with fierce intensity. "I'll chase him round Los Angeles before I give him up!"

The thug in the open cockpit behind him tried to answer. "So ... c-c-c-cold ..."

* * *

The Team desperately gasped for air as they crawled onto the shore of a small deserted island near where the plane had sunk into the ocean. They immediately collapsed onto the sand, exhausted.

"Don't worry guys," Murdock said when he finally caught his breath. "I'll get us out of here ..." He reached into his back pocket and withdrew a sopping wet propellor beanie. "... I brought my anti-gravity device."

B.A. growled and cupped his fist as he marched toward Murdock. "I'm-a shut this fool up for good!"

"Wait," Hannibal said. "Listen ..."

They could hear the faint but unmistakable sound of a helicopter in the distance.

"It sounds like it's coming from the other side of the island," Face said.

Hannibal motioned for them to follow. "Let's go."

They made their way to a cluster of palm trees through which they could see a Coast Guard helicopter flying low.

"What's the Coast Guard doing here?" Face wondered.

"Maybe they're looking for Somalian pirates," Murdock replied.

"It don't matter," B.A. said, "'cause I ain't flyin'!"

"I'm with you B.A.," Hannibal said. "I'd rather stay here and have some cold milk out of that vending machine."

"I know what you tryin' to do Hannibal," B.A. said. "You tryin' to get me to turn around so you can stick me with tranquilizer! Well this time you can forget it, 'cause I ain't fallin' for ..." B.A. fell to the ground to reveal Face standing behind him holding the needle of tranquilizer.

"I hope you've got a plan," Face said. "If we're still on this island when he wakes up, there won't be anyplace to run."

"Don't worry, I've got a plan," Hannibal said. "My greatest disguise ever ..."

* * *

The two Coast Guard officers were approaching the chopper in an inflatable boat when they looked up to see Hannibal floating on a piece of driftwood, wearing a beard, a patch, and a pirate hat with a skull and crossbones on it.

"Yar mateys!" he said. "Could you point me to Somalia?"

The officers gave each other a befuddled look as Face and Murdock snuck up on them from behind on a crudely made raft, B.A. laid out at their feet. Face grabbed the officers' heads and knocking them together, rendering the two unconscious.

"What's going on?" said the pilot, appearing at the helicopter's side door as Face and Murdock grabbed the other two officers' guns.

"We just need to borrow your chopper for a while," Murdock said.

"Don't worry," Face added. "We'll fill up the tank."

"You can't take this chopper!" the pilot pleaded as Hannibal ushered him out to the inflatable boat while the others boarded the helicopter.

"Relax," Hannibal said, "we'll send for help."

He slammed the door.

"Wait!" the pilot shouted. "You don't understand!"

The chopper fired to life and started to lift off the ground. Underneath it was a net carrying a large sea animal.

Murdock noticed the chopper having difficulty getting off the ground and shook his head. "They just build them like they used to ..."

* * *

The chopper had almost reached the US coastline when Murdock heard the rumbling bi-plane approaching from behind.

"Uh oh Colonel," Murdock said to Hannibal, "Bogey at 6 o'clock!"

_Flight of the Valkyries_ played as Bin Laden opened machine gun fire on the helicopter.

Bin Laden grinned when he saw the rear of the chopper erupt into the flames. "They're finished!" Bin Laden said contentedly as he veered the plane in a different direction to flee the scene. "I love the smell of infidels in the morning!"

Hannibal opened the side door of the chopper to get a better look at the damage. It was then that he noticed the large sea animal in the net below. "Uh oh, guys! We've got a stow-away ... Murdock, change your heading ... I know where we can land safely and ditch the fish ..."

* * *

The crowd at OceanWorld looked up to see the burning chopper hovering above the arena. The announcer expressed their horror. "Ah, the huge manatee!"

Murdock gently lowered the chopper into the aquarium. The flames were doused as the animal made its way out of the net.

B.A., still within the submerged chopper, stretched and yawned, then opened his eyes to see the manatee eyeing him curiously. He tried to shout angrily, but only bubbles emerged from his mouth.

* * *

Captain Crane entered Colonel Decker's office, holding a telex in his hand.

"Colonel, a Coast Guard chopper carrying a giant manatee just landed in an aquarium at OceanWorld."

"This has Smith written all over it," Decker grunted. "Let's go!"

* * *

Hannibal, Face and Murdock swam toward the edge of the pool. "Where's B.A.?" Hannibal asked.

"Shark!" Face cried, pointing to a fin moving toward them.

The _Jaws _theme played as Murdock let out a high-pitched scream.

The fin rose out the water, turning out to be just the Mohawk on B.A.'s head.

"Shut up, fool!" B.A. shouted at Murdock. "You gonna wish it was a shark!"

B.A. heard a splash behind him and turned around to see a killer whale baring it's teeth at him.

"Try it, sucka, and you gonna be a killer sushi roll!"

The whale whimpered and retreated.

* * *

Bin Laden blared pop music through a radio in the front of the plane, while the henchman behind him pored over a map.

"Say Boss," the henchman said, "Could you turn it down a bit? It's very hard to concentrate ..."

"Silence, you impudent swine!" Bin Laden retorted. "Do you not see that this is my jam?"

As the singer on the radio went into a falsetto, Bin Laden closed his eyes and sang along. In that moment, however, he did not see that the plane was crossing paths with a military helicopter.

"Sir," the copter pilot said to Decker, "we're on a collision course with that plane!"

"Civilian?"

"Yes, sir."

"Good. Take it down."

A missile fired from the chopper to the plane, blowing a hole through it's rickety wooden frame. The plane immediately started to head toward the ground.

"Steer us toward that lake!" the henchman said.

"No! I'm going to steer toward that barn and fly through it!"

"_What_? Why in the hell would you do something so foolish?"

"I don't know," Bin Laden said, "but I have seen it on television many times!"

The plane went toward the door of the barn, but the wingspan proved to be too wide, so that only the body of the plane made it into the barn, and never made it to the other side.

Inside, bawking chickens flocked about, hopping in and out of the cockpits.

"Wow," the henchman said, "that was _really _stupid!"

* * *

Decker and Crane marched down a main strip of OceanWorld, attractions on either side.

"Spread out," Decker said. "We've got men posted at every exit. They're in here somewhere."

Crane nodded and motioned for the men to follow.

As they walked away, Hannibal, Face, Murdock and B.A. turned around. They wore clothing from the gift shop. Hannibal had further disguised B.A. in a curly blonde wig and given him a giant spiral lollipop.

"I'm-a get you suckas for this!" B.A. grunted angrily. "It's the last thing ... I _ever ... do ..._"

"He said the exits are blocked," Face said.

"Don't worry," Hannibal said, "We'll find an exit, or make one ..."

* * *

The tour guide was sipping his coffee when he looked in the rear view to see the Team boarding.

"Sorry folks, the next tour doesn't start for 30 minutes."

"We takin' this tram, Jack," B.A. said. "Take a walk!"

"Hey," the tour guide said as he turned around. "You can't ..."

B.A. glared at him angrily.

The guide smiled nervously as he got up to leave. "Enjoy the rest of your day at OceanWorld ..."

* * *

"$75 bucks to get in?" said a teenager to a group of his friends as they walked back toward the parking lot disappointedly. "What a rip-off!"

Suddenly the tram crashed through the wall.

"Stay in school!" B.A. said to the kids as he and the others hurriedly disembarked and walked away.

The kids grinned mischievously and ran through the hole into the park.

Out in the parking lot, Hannibal looked around intently.

"What you waitin' for, man?" B.A. said. "Just grab the first ride you see!"

"Don't worry, B.A., I made a phone call back in the park ... here comes our ride!"

B.A.'s van quickly approached and skidded to a stop. Frankie Santana stepped out of the driver's side.

"I got here as fast as I could," Frankie said to Hannibal.

"Am I glad to see you!" B.A. grinned. "You look great!"

"What can I say, B.A.? Frankie to the rescue again ..."

"Shut up, fool! I was talkin' to my van!"

Suddenly a military helicopter descended upon them.

"Give it up, Smith!" Decker said through a megaphone. "We've got you surrounded."

"To the van!" Hannibal said. Everyone quickly ducked and ran for the van.

Everyone except Frankie. The MPs opened fired, and Frankie was riddled with gunshots.

He fell to the ground gasping.

Hannibal ran back toward him.

"Frankie! Talk to me!"

"Avenge ... my ..."

Another shot was fired off and Frankie's head was blown to bits.

"They killed Frankie!" B.A. said.

"You bastards!" Hannibal shouted, shaking his fist.

* * *

The driver bobbed his head to country music as he drove down the highway in his pickup which had a NRA sticker in the window, a Tea Party bumper sticker, and an American flag on his car antenna. He looked in the driver's side rear view to see a voluptious female hitchhiker from the neck down.

"Whoa!" he said, screeching on his brakes and making an abrupt U-turn, cars honking at him angrily. "Watch out! ... Comin' over! ... Geronimo! ..."

"Hey, double bubble!" the driver said as he saw the body approach through the passenger rear view. "You need a lift?"

When she looked in the window, he saw that it was Bin Laden in disguise.

"Holy Goddamn shit!" the driver exclaimed, reaching for a gun.

While the driver was distracted, Bin Laden's henchman crept to the driver's side and knocked the driver out with a frying pan.

"Good thing I brought this frying pan!" the henchman said.

"Silence, you insufferable twit! Do you think we came here to fry the eggs and bacon? Get him out of the car ..."

Bin Laden looked in the truck's flatbed and saw a utility box. He opened it to discover it contained machine guns, grenades, and a rocket launcher. "A full arsenal!" Bin Laden said. "Excellent!"

* * *

Two soldiers carefully approached the open cargo bay door of the military plane which had been landed and mysteriously abandoned a few miles from Fort Knox.

Machine guns drawn, they stepped up the ramp to the cargo bay.

"What is it?" said one of them, eyeing the strange-looking radioactive explosive.

Unbeknownst to them, two crates toward which the soldiers had their backs turned silently morphed back into Bin Laden form. They stepped toward the soldiers in unison and pointed their fingers, which morphed into swords, piercing the soldiers through the heart from behind.

The soldiers who had remained outside near the jeep had the sense that something was wrong when they saw the two seemingly return from the plane, but walking in perfect unison with blank expressions on their face. The attack dogs sensed something was wrong also, immediately barking at the disguised robots. It was only when the two robots were close to enough to raise the machine guns and open fire at close range that the others realized they were imposters.

* * *

The black van approached the gate to Fort Knox. Face had a scam on the tip of his tongue involving a four star general inside the complex who ordered Cheez-its with his lunch, but had been mistakenly been sent Bugles instead. He quickly saw that it was unnecessary, however, when the four looked out the windows to see the guards had been killed and impaled on the fence posts.

"Looks like we're not the first ones here," Murdock said.

"This is some welcoming committee," Face said.

"I think they're trying to send us a message," Hannibal said.

"When I find the robot suckas that did this, I'm-a send a message too," B.A. said, cupping his fist. "Out of order!"

* * *

Deep in the vault, the two robots had put the device in place and were making final preparations.

"Is the area secure?" Number 79 said to Number 84.

"Yes."

"Good. Prepare to-"

They heard gunshots from the opposite end of the room. Their eyes darted toward the door, which was being riddled with gunshot holes. The door was then kicked down and Hannibal entered, aiming a machine gun at them. "Reach for the sky!"

"Seize the interlopers!" 79 said.

The four opened fire on the robots. The gunshots ripped through the robots. After a moment, however, the holes started to disappear as their normal appearances morphed back into place.

Hannibal threw his gun down. "Looks like we're going to have to fight these goons the old fashioned way."

"Colonel," Murdock asked, "how did they fight amorphous robots in the old days?"

"We're about to find out," Hannibal said.

Face took a swing at one of the robots, but his punch hit open air as the robots instantly separated into two miniature Bin Ladens. Face turned and ran toward a barred door and tried to climb up it. He let out high pitch screams as the mini Bin Ladens growled and tugged at his legs.

Murdock took a swing at the other Bin Laden. It dodged his swing, then lifted Murdock above its head. The arms spun around, winding up like a rubber band, then unwound, causing Murdock to spin around at high speed until the robot let him loose. Murdock was flung across the room into a pile of crates. Murdock took out his propellor beanie and spoke to it. "I never appreciated you until now ..."

Hannibal took a swing at the robot who had just thrown Murdock. The robot caught Hannibal's fist, morphed so that it had its back to Hannibal, then flung Hannibal over its shoulder onto the ground.

"Hey sucka!" B.A. said to the robot. "Pick on someone your own size!"

The two mini Bin Ladens then ran toward the second robot, and the two fused and morphed into a giant B.A. Baracus.

"I am T-2.0!" the giant robot bellowed. "And I still lost to Balboa!"

"That's a lie!" B.A. shouted.

T-2.0 picked up B.A. by the throat with one hand and started to choke him.

B.A. had nearly lost consciousness when T-2.0 noticed that droplets were being drawn away from its metallic surface. T-2.0 looked to see Murdock driving a magnetic crane used to pick up gold. The robots body seemed to smear away as it was drawn to the surface of the magnet where it became trapped.

"Murdock," B.A. said when he caught his breath, "I always thought you were a fool, but this time you really ..." He looked down at his chest to see his gold chains being drawn toward the magnet. Suddenly B.A. was being dragged across the floor. "_Murdooooooock!"_

"I better turn off the magnet," Murdock said.

"Wait!" Hannibal said. "Drive to the furnace, where they melt down the gold ..."

"Don't worry big guy!" Murdock said. "We'll have you out in a jiffy!"

B.A. was choked again by the gold chains. As he struggled to get free, he pointed at Murdock and shook his fist.

A few moments later, the magnet crane approached to boiling furnace.

"Murdock," Hannibal said, "move the magnet over the furnace and get ready to drop the robot. Face and I will grab B.A. before he gets dragged in."

Murdock turned off the magnet. The robot screamed violently as it was poured into the furnace. The part of the robot that was still on the surface morphed into a forearm and grabbed at B.A.'s chains. Face, Murdock and Hannibal found themselves in a tug-of-war with the drowning robot. Eventually, the robot was melted into nothing. As B.A. was pulled away from the furnace, the exposed forearm as flung a few feet from the furnace. It wiggled around the ground for a moment, grabbing blindly at nothing until B.A. picked it up. "You're terminated, fool!" he said, throwing it into the furnace.

"Well said," Bin Laden said, as he and his henchman appeared, aiming the weapons they'd found in the back of the truck. "You will join them in the furnace if you do not do as I say!"

"We wouldn't give a flea like you the time of day," Hannibal scoffed.

"On the contrary!" Bin Laden said. "You will help me activate the device, then you will return with me to Afghanistan as my prisoners until your government agrees to free Kaleek Sheikh Mohammed!"

"Hey sucka!" B.A. shouted. "If you want a milkshake, you gonna pay for it!"

"Bah!" Bin Laden replied. "Always you are trying to sound so hell-of-the-tough! You think I am not tough? Behold! ..." he removed his turban to reveal that he had cut his hair into a Mohawk. "... I too am hell-of-the-tough!"

"You gonna lose that Mohawk, Jack ..." B.A. said as he marched toward Bin Laden angrily. "... the easy way, or the hard way!"

Bin Laden and his henchman fired upon B.A. To their dismay, however, the weapons turned out to be only a paint guns.

"Uh oh," the henchman gulped.

B.A. looked down to see his chains coated in brightly-colored paint. "You messed up my gold!" he roared. "_You messed up my gold!"_

B.A. pulled the guns out of their hands and threw them aside, then lifted each of them with one arm over his head.

"Put us down at once!" Bin Laden demanded.

"I'm-a put you down ... where they ain't never gonna find you! Salam, suckas!"

B.A. threw the two into the air, where they flew across the continent, then over the ocean. B.A. had calculated the trajectory so they would land on the same deserted island where the Team's plane had crashed. B.A. couldn't have anticipated, however, that when Bin Laden and his henchman passed through the Bermuda Triangle, they crossed through a time warp which hurled them back to a prehistoric era in which dinosaurs ruled the earth.

"Allah!" Bin Laden pleaded, as he and his henchman ran from an angry Tyrranosaurus Rex. "Why have you done this to your most faithful servants?"

"To be honest," Allah replied, "it just seemed really funny at the time."

* * *

"I can't tell you how grateful I am," Frank said to Hannibal at the Youth Center a few days later. "Not only are those crooked jewelers in jail where they belong, but the gold bars at Fort Knox turned out to be just candy bars with gold wrapping! The value of my gold has increased exponentially, and I owe it all to you!"

"Glad to be of help," Hannibal said.

"Hey Faceman," B.A. said, "I'm-a need to borrow your Corvette while my van's in the shop."

"Didn't they give you a rental?" Face asked.

"Yeah. And B.A. Baracus don't drive no '94 Civic with a busted radio! You suckas got my van shot up. You drive the clunker."

"Now, B.A., that's not really ..." B.A. grabbed him by the collar. "... a bad idea, drive safe!"

As he handed B.A. the keys, Murdock approached wearing Hannibal's pirate costume and sang to Face. "Should've gone to free-eeee cre-dit, repot dot com ..."

"You gonna get a free trip to the hospital if you don't shut up, fool!"

B.A. walked past the lunch table, but once again he saw that the kids staring at each other, looking depressed.

"_Now_ what's wrong?" B.A. said.

"We wrote a story about your mission and uploaded it to fanfiction dot net," one of them said, "but nobody left any reviews!"

"I pity the internet!" B.A. said angrily.

* * *

The teenager was so absorbed in his online game, he didn't hear his guest walking up the up the stairs. It wasn't until B.A. kicked down the door that he had the kid's attention.

"It's a Knight F. Mohawk!" the teenager said.

"Shut up, fool, this ain't no video game! You the sucka that clicked on my fanfiction story but didn't leave no comment?"

"Well frankly, I noticed quite a few factual errors with your quote unquote 'story'. In fact, I made a list." He took out a sheet of paper which unrolled onto the floor and across the room. "Where to start? How about with Breaking the Fourth Wall ..."

B.A. grabbed him by the collar. "I'm-a break the other three if you don't write a comment, sucka! I want 500 words. I'll be back in a half hour!"

Some time later, B.A. finished reading the report and marked it with a red pen. "Not bad," B.A. said. "I was gonna give you 89%, but I bumped it up a point because you knew what 'H.M.' really stands for."

"That story was entertaining, and informative. Thanks B.A.!"

"No problem kid. You can learn more about milk, gold chains and youth centers at your local library."

"All right!"

There was freeze frame as they gave each other a high five.

The End


End file.
